Title: The Red Roses are... Grieving
Author: warumono_girl
Band/Pairing: KaixRuki (Gazette)
Theme: 15. Grief (30emotions)
Rating: PG
Warnings: none.
Word Count : 426
Summary: Feelings shouldn't be kept locked on our hearts, by more than one reason.
Anxious >> Surprised >> Bewildered >> in Love >> Calm >> Excited>> Lustful >> Pitying >> Distressed >> Restless >> Disappointed >> Grateful >>Envious >> Enraged>>Indignated >> Fearful >>Grieving >> Apathy

15. Grief
Kai's POV
On the moment I put my coat on, feeling the handle of your door on my hand, I give I manage to give a last look to your form. You had your eyes close, one hand on you hair, other limping over you body, I knew that I've never felt more hurt in my entire life. No pain would be stronger than the one of leaving us behind, buried over our own mistakes. I don't know if, once I've passed over that door, you'll ever let me get inside again, but I knew that staying here wouldn't make anything better for us. With so much hesitation I took the last step over the point that, for me, my life could have ended and still it would hurt less. I can't erase your past, I've hoped that I could at least be a good support to you keep going, that's why I prefer this pain caused to me for leaving you than knowing that every time I touch you, I'm hurting you.

Healing wounds is not an easy task, but I would have certainly tried my hardest if only you've wanted it. I know I can't let go of you, but I can't endure seeing you hurt like this either. I know that every time we fight you'll remember him, and the things you've said today are true. I can't say that I'll be better, I can't promise you that I won't hurt you, but at least I wanted to try, To try to be a better lover, to be there whenever you needed me to.

I have no right to say if your past was a mistake or not, but is my place to say that I'm different than him. I can't say if he loved you or not, but I could assure you that I love you with every single bit of my body, but then, nothing of that has importance anymore, because you just want me away from you, out of you personal life, and I don't have the power to say anything anymore today.

Maybe I can try to talk to you tomorrow and tell you how much I love you, and simply say it. I'm not going to give you shallow promises of perfect futures, but I need at least try to know if you really love me. Because right now, I'm guess you still do, and for me, that's only what matters. I know you need me, and I'm not backing away for good, unless you want me to.




Title: The Red Roses are... Apathy
Author: warumono_girl
Band/Pairing: KaixRuki (Gazette)
Theme: 3. Apathy (30emotions)
Rating: PG
Warnings: none.
Word Count : 365
Summary: Feelings shouldn't be kept locked on our hearts, by more than one reason.
Anxious >> Surprised >> Bewildered >> in Love >> Calm >> Excited>> Lustful >> Pitying >> Distressed >> Restless >> Disappointed >> Grateful >>Envious >> Enraged>>Indignated >> Fearful >>Grieving >> Apathy



3. Apathy
Ruki's POV
Everything seemed like black and white. Nothing seemed true. I barely hear a harsh sound and just then realize that it was my breathing. The void of emotions inside me leaves me with nothing but numbness. I didn't know that heart breaking had hangovers, and I surely would be a happier man if could have never discovered it. Times like these make me realize how much they differ, and how much my feelings for him weren't even half as strong as my feelings for you. Why did I do that? I know you love me, I know that you would never hurt me, I guess sometimes we just do stupid things. I'm so ashamed of everything that I said and did. What if you don't want to see me never again? I've just shut away my own happiness. I'm too dumb.

I couldn't find the will to stand up, and then I just lay there, on the carpet of my living room, looking to my bland ceiling and realizing my own mistakes. Everything seemed heavily dull, the air, the colors, the sounds. The empty feeling inside me seems to touch everything around. I look at the door like waiting for you to come back and say that every thing was just a stupid dream, that I should wake up, and things will be fine again, that I would have never confronted you over that stupid photo, and never accused you of doing something that you’ve never done, and I would never have yelled that angry stupidities at you, because you're not like him and I know it. Even if I stayed there for more than a couple of hours, you never came back and things started to be even paler, and all I could do was close my eyelids and wait for the next morning to undo the mistakes that I've committed.

I could barely hear the phone ring at the distance, and later your voice at the machine, apologizing on my place, and assuring me that you'll be here next morning, to be sure I was okay. That made me cry harder.

God should forbid you of being this perfect.

-----------------
Sorry for taking so long XD~~~~
still a lot to do to achieve 30 ^.^