Title: The Red Roses are... Indignated.
Author: warumono_girl
Band/Pairing: KaixRuki (Gazette)
Theme: 17. Indignation (30emotions)
Rating: PG
Warnings: none.
Word Count : 1024
Summary: Feelings shouldn't be kept locked on our hearts, by more than one reason.
Anxious >> Surprised >> Bewildered >> in Love >> Calm >> Excited>> Lustful >> Pitying >> Distressed >> Restless >> Disappointed >> Grateful >>Envious >> Enraged>>Indignation >> Fear



17. Indignation
Kai's POV

I felt my breath be knocked out of my system on the moment I pushed that door opened, several things out of place, a broken vase on the living room floor, like someone have knocked it down in a quick attempt to reach the front door. For some moments I feared for you, that maybe you could be harmed, that someone had gotten inside and hurt you, but the moment I got to your room, the place that I held you to sleep last night, I feel my blood boil. What the hell could have happened here? All my things were scattered on the floor, thrown with no care, my bag was careless opened on the bed, and the things that suppose to be inside it, adorned the floor in an unwanted mess. I ignore it for a moment, and keep calling you name, now more worried than before, but the only answer I got was the silence of the apartment. You’re not here.

I begun to panic, something should have happened while I was at the studio, something in my mind is telling me that it’s worse than I can handle. I start to pick everything from your bedroom floor, trying hard to breath and calm myself. I dial you number on my telephone, but the ‘out of service’ line is all a got. I start to call the others, maybe you’re at someone’s house. In no time I’ve picked up every single thing on the floor and talked with all our band mates and still, no trace of you or whatever happened here. I fell frustrated and powerless.
Sitting on the edge of your bed I look at the floor, like it hold all the answers for me, and when I was almost giving up, I see something shining, and I slowly pick it up. It’s a photo, and when I put the two pieces together I can easily tell which picture is it. It’s mine, the one I keep at my wallet, just beside yours, and…

Suddenly it all registered to me. The mess on the floor, the janitor of the building cursing over a broken mirror, the front door not locked when I get here. I can’t believe in you. What have you done? Quickly I pick my bag and throw the contents on the bed , going over my stuff quietly. Everything is here and for a moment I though that I was being to harsh putting this all on you, it was, before I opened my wallet.

The photos That I carefully keep in here seemed messed, on wrong places, and before I could close it again, I realize that one is missing, besides the one ripped on my hands, the missing one was your photo, the one token with my cell phone some time ago. I felt nauseous, didn’t want to believe this, that you’ve gone over my things, like a jealous wife would do with and infidel husband. What have you done? And why?

Tears threaten to fall from my eyes, but I hold them up. I can’t believe in this. Didn’t you trust me? Even after all we’ve been through this entire year? Even after countless times of me trying so hard to fix you every time that he had broken you? Even now, when I’ve picked your trembling body in my embrace when the dreams of him had plagued you at night? The feelings, and words, and tears that I’ve promised to you are this worthless? I can’t believe you’ve done this to me, that you’re burying us even before we can really start. I trusted you with my life, and you seem to not trust me at all.

I left the bedroom, almost in the way that I found it, the only difference was that the things were laying on the bed now, not the floor anymore and my wallet is now secured on my pocket, together with my phone. An empty feeling taking over me while I slowly walk to the front door, trying hard to forget every single thing saw here today, and that maybe everything would be better tomorrow, you would smile at me and I could pretend that you love an trust me, that you know that I’m not like him, and never will be.

I’ve barely reached the doorsill of your room when I hear the front door open, and I quickly look over your form, frozen on the tiny corridor that lead to the living room, barely registering anything else beside me, here at your bedroom door. I felt the anger building inside me but the despise feeling got over it, and all that I could manage was a heavy sigh. I should have expected what came next.

You face turned a ton shades of red, not from blushing or from embarrassment, but a deeper color, one known by rage, I hear you yell my name together with words like Betrayal, lies and bullshit. I didn’t want to hear anymore of it. I’ve had enough. Who do you think you are to say these things to me? To act this way with me? I’ve always been on your side, healing you, fixing you, and know, that’s what you give me back? You give me an illusion that maybe you could have been mine, and the next minute you break it with a fierce force. I was too shocked to realize you getting near, or your fists colliding with my jaw. All I cold fell was the stinging pain where you hand collided with my face after your stumbled back and, the numb feeling on my chest.

I walk over the front door, and give you a last look. My eyes can’t suppress the incredulity of all that have happened. I can only look to you and take in your form, now standing on the living room, eyes close, face still red from the fit of anger, wrists closed into fists. I weakly shake my head, pull the handle and let myself out. Casually forgetting the reason of all this lying, forgotten, on your bedroom floor.




Title: The Red Roses are... Fearful
Author: warumono_girl
Band/Pairing: KaixRuki (Gazette)
Theme: 13. Fear (30emotions)
Rating: PG
Warnings: none.
Word Count : 558
Summary: Feelings shouldn't be kept locked on our hearts, by more than one reason.
Anxious >> Surprised >> Bewildered >> in Love >> Calm >> Excited>> Lustful >> Pitying >> Distressed >> Restless >> Disappointed >> Grateful >Envious >> Enraged>>Indignation >> Fear


13. Fear
Ruki's POV

I can't handle it. On the moment that words flew by my lips I know I shouldn't have said then. I try to run to you before you reach the handle of the door, and just now I realize that I can't move. God, I can't believe I'm throwing away everything that I ever wanted. I'm so scared that you'll walk away past that door and never come back to me, I barely realizes the tears soaking my cheeks, and the sobs leaving my lips. I want to scream to you to not go, but I can't barely open my eyes, I'm afraid of what I'm going to see, of what I've done, don't want to see the disapproving written over your face.

I've never felt more scared in my entire life, I can't lose you now, I've barely had you, I need you, I need you to be here no matter what. Why? Why had I just done that? Is it what he had done to me? Turned me into a monster ? A mentally unstable one? I know that you're just there, in front of my door, probably looking to me with a incredulous look in your eyes. Please don't go. I want so bad to scream how sorry I am.

I hear the door knob twist and the last foot steps of your shoes and on that moment I couldn't breath. That's it, it was done, you've gotten away and I didn't do anything besides urge you to it. I don't want to open my eye and face my solemn living room, the miss of your shoes at my door, or the cracks of my earlier impulsiveness scattered on the floor. I don't want to remember the blood spilled for your lips caused by my own fists, I don't want to believe that I've hurt you, while you were only trying to calm me down.

Why Am I always so stupid ? I could have just let you sit by my side on the couch and talked to you about it, like a civilized person, asked you who the hell was that man on the picture and how that ended behind others pictures on your wallet. I'm sure you would talk to me and soothe me and make everything good.

I fell to the floor of my bedroom and hug my knees, freely letting go of my tears. I'm so broken, all that I can do is cry, and I hate it, this useless and ugly feeling of being the stupidest guy alive. I look at the floor besides me and that fucking picture capture my gaze. I've ripped it on two, separating you both on a fit of rage. I take the pieces on my hand and with a blank gaze fix it together again. You seemed so happy there. Maybe that's what made me this insane, the knowing that I'll probably never make you this happy, with this fucked up existence of mine. I turn the picture down so that I don't have to look at it, and what caught mi sight were a handwrite. I cautiously joined the pic so I could read what were written in there, and at that moment I froze. What the hell I've just done?


“The silliest pic ever ^.^,
with care,
your younger brother”