Title: The Red Roses are... Envious.
Author: warumono_girl
Band/Pairing: KaixRuki (Gazette)
Theme: 11. Envy (30emotions)
Rating: PG
Warnings: none.
Word Count : 778
Summary: Feelings shouldn't be kept locked on our hearts, by more than one reason.
Anxious >> Surprised >> Bewildered >> in Love >> Calm >> Excited>> Lustful >> Pitying >> Distressed >> Restless >> Disappointed >> Grateful >>Envious >> Enraged



11# Envy
Kai’s POV

There he comes again, sitting besides you on the couch, touching you like he was the only one allowed to do so. It bothers me. In the beginning I though it was just me being jealous but as the seconds were counted I've realized it. You've never wanted him, and he has never wanted you (as long as I know) but still, I know that I won't be allowed to do the same, no matter how good friends we are, we’re not like you two. I didn't want to tear him away from you, no, on the contrary, it makes me smile when I saw how much you seem happy whenever he’s near you. What bother me is that he can do much more than I. I feel resentful that you can laugh so freely when with him.

This morning, after a long sleepless night remembering you sad face when I put you to bed, every smile you gave me made me hope that they could be truly and mine alone, and now, seeing your true laughing with him make me doubt myself, doubt that I can keep that sweet smile on your face whenever you ‘re with me. I resent that he can make you happily laugh in so many ways, and without even knowing how much you need it. I feel powerless at seeing you both together, like I’ll never fit with you like he does. It’s really not fair how much you and Reita can be so close, more than most best friends are, it should make me jealous, but it only serve to make me feel dejected.

Sometimes, on moments like these, I feel left out, I’ve always had, but still, I don’t want you to know, because on these little moments you’re free from your past and your captor. I keep my eyes at you, sating myself on each single second of your smiling face, looking at Reita’s soft expression that I know that is taking these smiles for granted. And I know he should, because you’ll be dead in the day that you won’t smile for him, that much I know. I sigh and let my hand clutch the drumsticks harder, almost wishing that I could hold you as harder as I’m holding them, to never let you escape me.

I hear you calling my name, and I snap out of my reverie just to find your face close to mine, and a soft murmur asking me if I’m alright. I dumbly answer you with an awkward ‘I’m fine’, just to slap myself a moment latter. You face showed nothing more than concern, and that’s exactly what I didn’t wanted. I don’t want you to be worried about my silly stupidities; I want to see you smiling, like you were a moment ago.

I soft brush your hair out of your face and give you a weak smile of myself, a mute ‘sorry’ for my weird behavior, even if I still don’t know what made you worry this much, to the point of losing attention on our bassist lame jokes.

As I look up, a pair of deep brown eyes meet mine, and a soft and concerned gaze is showed at me, and I didn’t know what would make Reita give me that kind of look. I feel you hands on mine, and I look down to see why you are clutching my hands so hard. I really didn’t expect what I saw. There on my hands, I could see more than feel, what’s supposed to be my drumsticks. They were broken, almost smashed over the palms of my hands. I left one more sigh, not ready for the deep voice of Reita broking the unveiled silence of the room.

I quickly disposed my disturbing action on the new album recording, reading into his eyes that he hadn’t brought any of it. He’s too much of a good friend sometimes, and I guess that’s what makes me desire the connection that he has with you. No matter how many times I had put you into my arms, broken and sobbing on your disturbing nights, I was never the one that healed you, and that’s what I’ve wanted the most, his place, his position at the healer of you broken wings, and at the last look he gave me before going to fetch some antiseptic, I knew that I didn’t need his place, I’ve never had. I realized that that’s wasn’t my place, He would heal your wings just fine, and take care of them fully, because he had trusted me the hardest part to fix.

Your broken heart.



Title: The Red Roses are... Enraged.
Author: warumono_girl
Band/Pairing: KaixRuki (Gazette)
Theme: 23. Rage (30emotions)
Rating: PG
Warnings: none.
Word Count : 616
Summary: Feelings shouldn't be kept locked on our hearts, by more than one reason.
Anxious >> Surprised >> Bewildered >> in Love >> Calm >> Excited>> Lustful >> Pitying >> Distressed >> Restless >> Disappointed >> Grateful >>Envious >> Enraged




23# rage
Ruki’s POV

I knew I shouldn't have done that on the moment I got myself over your bag. You've forgotten it here, like you always do, and I couldn't control myself. I used to do it to him, go over his things looking for proves of his infidelity, and always finding them. Every time I used to say to myself that I would stop, that no good would come from me knowing with how much people ha had been fooling around, but still, I knew I had a motive back there.

Now, with you, I have no right or motive to do so, but still, here I am, scattering your thing over my couch, looking at every detail of you that this tiny bag could hold. I keep saying that it's not because I don't trust your words of that night, but because I miss you so much right now. Going over the things I've dropped I realize that you forgot you wallet, and hope that at least you got your phone and keys with you. It's funny how you can handle us all so well and at the same time forgot your own things. I chuckle at the thought, and pick your wallet, freely opening it. It holds all your credit cards, some bit of money, a tiny mirror and some photos.

There are photos of us all, at bars, on our first debut and one that toke my attention, it’s a lonely picture of me. Probably taken with your cell phone over one of our practices, it’s recent since I still have the same hair. I smile at it, and without thinking I take it away from the secure plastic that hold all the pictures, just to have my breath taken away of my system.

There, behind that silly picture of me, you had securely placed a more intimate photo, since I can barely make the two forms kissing each other. I can't recognize one of them, but I'm very aware that the other person is you. I grab the hidden photo and can’t control my anger from boiling. This photo don't seem older than the one you take of me, since the date is near, and after realizing that, I couldn't barely see straight. Why would you hide this fucking photo? Are you still seeing this guy? Did you lied to me?

I shook my head hard, trying to blank away the unwanted thoughts, trying to say to myself that once you got here, I will politely ask you about it, but my mind didn’t want to acknowledge that, everything I want to do now is to yell at you and punch you for all the lies you've been telling me. How could you? You're just like him aren't you? I thought you were different. I'm so stupid.

I throw everything out of the couch, didn’t even caring were things landed, fuming I grab the phone and quickly dial your number, only to meet the secretary tune. I feel my blood boiling and just rip apart the picture that I still hold. I can't see anything in front of me, harshly stomping out of the house, not even looking back to the mess I've just made. I look at myself in the elevator mirror, and when the tears started to falling I couldn't stop myself, and then I just feel the aching pain in my hand, and the broken mirror facing me. I didn't realize the pieces of glass on my wrists; I just got out of the elevator and on the streets. I didn't know were to go, I just wanted to be out of there, away from your lies.