Title : The Red Roses are ...
Author : warumono_girl
Band/Pairing : KaixRuki (Gazette)
Theme : 2. Anxiety (30emotions)
Rating : PG
Warnings : - cursing
Word Count : 556
Summary : Feelings shound't be kept locked on our hearts, by more than one reason.



2. Anxiety

Ruki's P.O.V.

I can't barely stand myself. I've been here, on his doorstep over ten minutes now. I can't figure out the courage to just knock. Every time I held my hand up I got a terrible felling that this is a huge mistake, that I should have stayed home, on my bed, looking at the white ceiling thinking about him and hoping, like every other night. I can't remember why this stupid idea came to my mind, things are good right now, I don't want to screw up everything. We're friends, very good friends and I can be happy like this, being near him. I've already come to terms with it haven't I ? He would find someone to love and I would be there supporting him like a good friend, and being happy from seeing him Happy. So, why I'm here now ? I'm really this weak that I can't even fulfill my own promise ?
I hear some sounds and see a light going off. He's probably going to bed. I don't know how late it is, and I don't want to know. Probably that ten minutes are more than twenty right now. I could careless. No matter what, since I've come all this way here, I should at least let him know that I'm here. The rain is probably pouring very hard now, so no way back I guess.
I felt my hands sweeting and my head started to swirl. I can't do this. God. Why is so hard just to press the fucking door bell? I fell the tears filling up my eyes, but refuse to let them flow. What I Am ? A coward ? No, I'm not that useless, I can't be. I can fell my hearth pounding incessantly, my blood being pumped in a quick pace, just like I would faint right there. With a sudden move I realized that the door have been open and he is there, just staring at me, with a confusion expression.
- Hey...
I heard him, but didn't trusted my voice to answer. I have to tell him and at the same time I don't know what. I felt his hands pushing me inside and heard his asking if I was drenched. With a quick shake of my head I saw him smile at me, silently asking what I've been doing at his doorstep. What can I say to him ? Probably the truth, but I don't know if I should trust me right now.

His hand are touching my face so delicately that I lost all my functions. Suddenly even to breath seemed a hard thing to do. My mind screamed to me to just spill it out, that every thing is going to be okay, but I doubted that so much that I kept silent and then I heard him again, asking if I was okay. What I could say to him ? That no, I'm not okay over months, because the only thing in my mind lately is how pretty and perfect he seem every time I look at him ? Shit. I just can't.
I reached my hand to grip his own and at that moment something got a hold of myself, and without even realizing what I was doing I felt the tears soak my cheeks, and the words spill out of my mouth.
I had done it.

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I hope this is okay, I already have more 5 done XD. The title is from a music of my band : The red roses are dead.